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Post by Arthur Kirkland on Apr 30, 2011 5:03:30 GMT -5
"I know," Arthur simply said, and tightened his hold on the other boy. It hurt to lose a loved one, and he unfortunately knew the pains of loneliness just as well as Matthew did. Unfortunately, no matter how well he was able to relate to how Matthew was feeling, he... still didn't know what to say.
When he'd lost Elizabeth, Victoria had known just what to say. She reminded him that he was Arthur Kirkland, that he was strong in his own right, that he did not need to depend on anyone to survive. She reminded him of how disappointed Elizabeth would've been if she were to see him now, months and years of love and affection gone to waste on a pathetic little boy that couldn't function by himself. He'd gotten angry at her, at first; he'd yelled at her, screaming about how she wouldn't understand at all, and ran away.
It was only until he was left alone for a good while that he realized that Victoria was right, and all he ever did was run away from his problems. He never faced them head on, and instead did his best to hide. He wasn't good with dealing with losing someone, especially after Mary left, and being abandoned (even though this time, it was involuntary) picked at a wound that would never close. Ashamed, he slunk back to her, but pride wouldn't allow him to apologize. Fortunately, Victoria understood completely, and merely embraced him, telling him that it was about time he stopped running away. He had people who loved him and wanted to support him; just because Elizabeth was gone didn't mean that he had to stand by himself.
Arthur wasn't sure how relevant that piece of advice would be for Matthew, but he supposed it'd be worth a shot. So, quietly, he said, "It's alright to cry, Matthew. And it's alright to seek comfort in other people. Even though your mother's gone... you still have plenty of others supporting you." He looked down, clearly recalling Victoria's words. (And it was embarrassing, realizing how weak he was when thinking back nearly made him cry, too.) "You don't have to bottle up your emotions and suffer by yourself."
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Post by Matthew Williams on Apr 30, 2011 23:45:03 GMT -5
There was no turning back now, Matthew had already let his guard down. And in a way, he was ashamed of himself. Why had he broken down the way he did? Matthew was so good at keeping it in, so good at dodging the question when Al or dad ever talked to him about it. So, why did he break now of all times and in front of his friend no less?!
"I-it's not-- It's not f-fair..-hic- y-you or a-anyone else!" he choked out between sobs. Why should people listen to him and share his emotions out loud when so many others couldn't do the same? That's what Matthew's mindset was. He would gladly listen to anyone else, but he did nothing to deserve the same.
Despite his current train of thought, he leaned into the hug. Reaching up one hand and grabbing hold of Arthur's shirt tightly, though, keeping his face within the plush fur of Kumajiro. "H-here I-I am, c-crying like a little b-baby. When th-there are o-other's who g-go through worse. A-and who need it more th-than I do." he was trying to calm himself down, taking deep breaths in between cries in order to stop the flow. It was getting to him that he couldn't stop.
"I-I've got g-great friends and you a-all are so supportive. B-but, I..I still.." Matthew couldn't bring himself to say it. The glass had just overflowed and it was taking forever to empty. So much frustration and pent up emotions were coming to the surface and he hated every bit of it.
Though, crying this time was different from the times that he cried alone. Talking to Arthur was almost distracting him from the actual issue, instead of Matthew dwelling on it alone with only his thoughts to keep him company. The way she died, where she died, what he missed, the times that him and Alfred had acted up... all these things came to mind. Always wishing what he could have done differently and that they could have lived those final moments with her, doing things that they never would have gotten the chance to.
Maybe it was a bit over exaggerated, and others might have laughed if he said these aloud. But, these thoughts plagued Matthew every year. The things that should have been, but never would be. [/blockquote]
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Post by Arthur Kirkland on May 17, 2011 22:56:17 GMT -5
Arthur sighed, gently threading his fingers through Matthew's hair and continuing to hold the boy as he cried. It was heartbreaking, really, how little importance Matthew placed on himself, because... he was probably one of the most important people in Arthur's life. Without Matthew, who knew where he'd be? Would he have anyone to call a friend? Probably not. He needed Matthew (and Sven and Alfred) more than he'd ever care to admit, and that was what had scared him so much about getting close to anyone in the first place.
So, seeing Matthew so upset most definitely affected him, too.
"...Following that logic, no one in this world has any excuse to cry," the Englishman said gently. "There will always be people who go through worse. But remember, Matthew, there is no prerequisite for tears. You don't have to be the saddest person in the world; if you're sad, it's alright to cry. The only thing that you shouldn't be doing is linger in the past and thinking about all the things you did or didn't do. Every time you regret something, you miss an opportunity to do something else... and later, you'll regret that, too. It'll be a neverending cycle."
He didn't even stop to think about how hypocritical he was being, by giving such advice to Matthew. But these words were genuine, and he wanted precious little than to be able to follow it through himself.
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Post by Matthew Williams on Jun 7, 2011 0:15:52 GMT -5
After a good while, Matthew calmed down considerably. He still sobbed, but the Canadian was growing weary of crying. His eyes stung, his throat felt dry and felt like he could almost not cry anymore than he had just done. It was a feeling familiar to him, but instead of falling asleep Matthew found himself awake...and crying in front of his friend.
He wiped at his eyes and pulled away only slightly, a little embarrassed at his state and what had just happened. What was he thinking, blurting out everything like he did? Matthew really had no idea. "I-I'm sorry." he croaked out, still wiping at his eyes to get rid of any stray tears that were still falling.
"I-I-I just... I don't like c-crying in front of people." and especially not in front of friends; he wanted to add. But, still, Arthur's word did have a hint of truth to them and Matthew found himself letting them sink in.
It didn't change the fact that today was any awful than it was. But, somehow that advice seemed to help. He sniffled once, wiping his nose with his sleeve, "T-thank you..."
He cast his gaze to the floor, now ashamed at his childish display. He was seventeen, there was no reason for him to act like a little baby. And to top that all of, yet again, he returned to the fact that he ended up coming crying to one of his friends. He must think I'm such an idiot. [/blockquote]
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Post by Arthur Kirkland on Jun 27, 2011 6:59:38 GMT -5
"Don't apologize; you've no reason to," Arthur assured, offering a small, reassuring smile. "Everyone cries. It's just a matter of when."
That was, perhaps, the most honest thing he'd said all day. Though he'd go to his grave swearing that he didn't cry, he had his moments where he'd just lock himself up in his room and let out all the frustrations that had been accumulated thus far. His studies were difficult to keep on top of, he felt useless during the Dark Hour, Alfred likely hated him, he missed Mary, he had no place to call home... and so on and so forth.
Arthur actually respected Matthew, for being able to cry and share his worries. He didn't think he'd ever be able to do that, because regardless of who it was, he'd be too afraid to be judged. Not Matthew. Matthew had all these burdens on his shoulders, and yet, he was able to greet everyone with a warm smile and a fresh plate of pancakes. If that didn't spell strength, Arthur didn't know what did.
"You've proven yourself to be very admirable, Matthew. If anything, I ought to be thanking you."
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Post by Matthew Williams on Jul 10, 2011 3:05:39 GMT -5
"Y-yeah, b-but still..." Matthew continued to wipe his eyes and nose with his sleeve a few more times before being content with himself. And Matthew almost chuckled, he would be the first to admit that he cried often at Arthurs' comment. Everyone does cry. However, it was usually in the comfort of his own room and away from others.
For the Canadian to come out and admit his feelings and to actually cry in front of someone, it was something he'd never get used to. And in all honesty, the boy would most likely retreat into his room for night after all was said and done for the day. Though, this time it would be with a sense of relief.
It felt nice to have someone to trust; someone other than his own flesh and blood. Alfred was nice, but was quite the blabber-mouth. He'd listen and would immediately tell someone, plus Matthew simply did not like to worry the elder twin.
The blond looked at his friend, a small sad smile finding it's way to Matthew's face. Arthur was someone he felt like he could trust, someone who could feel confident in telling his problems to (even if it took awhile for Matthew to actually come out and admit anything.) This was just one of many things that he admired about the Englishman.
His face, however, turned into that of question.
"I..I am not admirable a-at all, Arthur." feeling a tinge of embarrassment, "M-me?" he asked quizzically.
"W-what have I-I done t-that deserves your thanks? Y-you are the o-one who always h-helps whenever I n-need it and t-to others. A-and you offer great advice!" [/blockquote]
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Post by Arthur Kirkland on Sept 4, 2011 8:03:28 GMT -5
Arthur couldn't help but chuckle, half at the Canadian's words, and half at his confusion. Oh, if only Matthew knew...
"...My advice is hardly of any use," he replied, moving his gaze back out to the view that the rooftop offered them. "I merely offer my ear. But you..."
Christ, what could he say about Matthew? The lad had done so much for him that it was nearly impossible to list them all. Matthew had given him hope. He'd given him reasons to smile, reasons to wake up every day, reasons to trust others. He offered his friendship, his kindness, his entire being, to someone like Arthur Kirkland. That alone... was really more than he could've ever asked for.
...But of course, Arthur could never admit any of that.
"You've done more than any doctor or psychiatrist could've," the Englishman simply continued, "So... thank you."
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